At the car rental counter in Florence, Italy
ME: Bon giorno! My name is Twist Phelan and I have a reservation. (Present confirmation print-out to agent.)
AGENT: We are so happy to welcome you as a member of our President/Chairman/Grand PoohBah Club. Because of your special status, we are giving you a car upgrade. A BMW.
ME: Wow, thanks.
AGENT: Alas, the BMW did not arrive today. It will be here tomorrow.
ME: But I will not be here tomorrow. I will be in Cinque Terra. Where I will have driven TODAY in the car I rented from you. So thank you for the thought, but I will take the midsize I reserved.
AGENT: Alas, that car is no longer available. When we upgraded you to the BMW, your original reservation was canceled.
ME: But the BMW is not available.
AGENT: Yes, it is. Tomorrow.
ME: But not today.
AGENT: So wait until tomorrow when the BMW is here. You enjoy Florence, yes?
ME: I enjoy Florence very much. But I have eaten enough gelato to last a lifetime, checked out of my Airbnb, and have a hotel waiting in Cinque Terra.
AGENT: Ah, I see the problem. Alas, I am sorry. We have no cars left to rent.
ME: No cars at all?
AGENT: Not until tomorrow.
ME: So I have to rent a car from another agency.
AGENT: If you want a car today, yes. Now is there anything else I can do for you?
ME: Yes. Revoke my membership in your President/Chairman/Grand PoohBah Club.
Two car rental agencies later
AGENT: We have no cars. Oh, wait. A Fiat Panda just came in. It hasn’t been cleaned or fueled.
ME: I don’t care if it has a flat tire and bloodstains from a ritualistic sacrifice of a chicken in the backseat.
AGENT: I am sorry, I do not understand.
ME: I’ll take it.
